Thanks to the power of facebook I was able to connect to with someone from my high school days.  I always had a crush on her in high school but never did ask her out.  When I told her about it she said that I should have asked her out.  Now a lot of people would spend a lot of time looking back at those days and saying “damn” but I believe that everything happens for a reason and it wasn’t meant to be at that time.

Each and everyday we experience new things in our lives and the path we take is determined by how we act.  Those who spend too much time examining the paths and wondering will never experience the happiness of the journey itself.   We become who we are through life’s experiences and hopefully we learn a little about ourselves as well how to navigate life a little better.  There are always going to be regrets but smart people build on the learnings from those regrets while others live in the past and spend countless hours analyzing what they could have done.

Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual.  No matter how many self  help books you read nobody can make you a whole and better person without first learning some valuable lessons.   Sure I wished I would done some things differently in the past but now I try and learn from them instead of living in the past.  Let it go and move on and realize that we are not perfect and that we are all going to make mistakes.  The learning never stops.

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Seven minutes? Five minutes? What does it matter? If you’re having a good sex life and can talk honestly to your partner from time to time about sex and any issues that arise, I don’t understand the preoccupation some have with “how long is long enough” and similar data.

It’s never been about quantity, anyway — it’s all about quality. It takes as long as it takes. If you’re not enjoying sex and it’s over “too quickly,” then please talk to your partner about the issue. Don’t lead a life of quiet frustration and resentment over these sorts of issues.

Should you ever have sex with a friend ?

“I need someone just to lay down beside me” goes the song.  This is a very tricky area and could lead to the demise of a good friendship if you’re not careful but there are times when we really need to be naked with someone.   If you can set expectations before hand that we are still friends but we need to get naked you could be OK but I have seen sex ruin the relationship of some very good people who were friends while others were able to say “yeah we did it because we both needed it and that part of our relationship is over”.

I want more

This is an area where a lot of couples fall down in their sexual relationship.  Men and women often want to experiment with their fantasies and to keep lovemaking vibrant and fun but they are embarrassed to openly say things like “I want to be spanked” or “I love it when you talk dirty to me”.  Remember in the bedroom it’s about you and pleasing you and your partner.  Making love should never become routine with the same ol positions and same ol styles.  You have to be able to take input though without getting your feelings hurt and that is hard for a lot of men to do.

The bottom line is that once you get naked with someone the only boundaries to your lovemaking are in your mind.

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Being a person means that we prone to human frailties and emotions.  I know, there is a lot to be angry about in this world today but anger doesn’t solve problems it only clouds  your judgement and makes them worse.

I very rarely get angry because I always try and think why someone would reach out and try and hurt someone through an act that would make them angry.  I once had a person working for me who did everything she could to try and undermine me but rather than call her on her actions I decided that no mater what I did or said she was not going to change.  I could have used a lot of energy to try and terminate her as my boss recommended but why deal with the negativity and anger when I could focus on the positive people who worked for me instead ?

In personal relationships you’re going to come to a time when you’re going to get angry at  your partner or friend.  My advice is to talk it out and come to an understand before what you say, or don’t say, does permanent damage to your relationship beyond repair.   Anger is not necessarily about acts or words it’s about feelings that have been hurt, betrayed or ignored.

Some people believe in the “silent treatment” and actually that can be a great way to collect your thoughts and settle down but not talking about what made you mad can cause you a lot of problems if left to gain resentment.

Here are some rules of thumb when you get angry…

(1) Never assume that someone intentionally tried to get you angry. A lot of times people strike out at you because of their own insecurities.

(2) Why ?  Think about the motivation behind the problem/act that made you angry and try and understand the person better.

(3) Never let anger get the best of you or let things go unsaid.  It might be water under the bridge but it’s going to come back someday with more force.

(4) Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to be the first one to say “I’m sorry” even if it wasn’t your fault.

(5) Never say anything when you are really angry because once the words leave your mouth they can never be taken back and the pain they cause can be permanent.

(6) If someone does something that gets you angry confront them but not in a way that puts them on the defensive; rather talk about it and try to get to the root of the problem.

(7) Make up sex can be great but only if you are sure that you have really adressed the cause of the anger.

Life is too damn short to be angry.  There is just too much beauty out there to let anger take over your actions.  Relax and enjoy where you are at and never let someone take over your emotions to become someone you’re not.

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On a quick trip to the grocery store yesterday I saw two very overweight & obese people struggling to walk down the aisle of the store.  Now of course some people do have medical problems that causes them to gain weight but a new study, from Duke University, suggests that by 2030, about 42% of Americans will be obese, which is up from about 36% presently. This rise means that about 32 million people could be clinically obese in the next 18 years. Other obesity estimates for the future have been even more disheartening, but the new research takes into account that rates have slowed down. Those who are severely obese (who carry around an extra 80 pounds) are expected to rise from 5% to 11% and 90% of them are obese simply because they eating the wrong foods and not getting enough exercise.

You should be alarmed by that because even if you exercise and watch what you eat you are going to be paying for their poor health habits.  The upside of the story is that obesity and overweight are preventable phenomena, and so are the myriad heath problems associated with them. The startling $550 billion dollar estimate is a projection that could be counteracted if we take action. “Another way to think about that number,” said study author and health economist Eric Finkelstein, “is if we could keep obesity rates flat or if they were flattening, we would save $550 billion.” Even small reductions in obesity prevalence “could result in substantial savings,” wrote the authors.

Then there are the working dead.  These are people who are stuck in jobs because after all it’s better to have a job than be unemployed and of course they are right.  However everyday that they simply collect a paycheck and check off a box is another day that they loose a competitive advantage to competing with other people within the workforce.  If you don’t use your mind and simply go through the motions you’re going to loose your mental sharpness.

So where am I going with all this ?   I am trying to say that a lot of our problems can be solved if we first have the courage to say things like “I am obese because I eat the wrong foods” and “I have a shitty job because I am doing my best to fit in and thus have become a COG in the machine”.

One of the best lessons I have learned from this life is that it’s better to take responsibility for your actions and even take responsibility for the actions of others who work for you.   There are a lot of quotes about how failing makes you a better person but for me the courage to take personal responsibility is just as important a character trait as honesty and love.

Younger men and women (ages 18-34) are also likely to get turned on by a sexy text or email (22% compared with only 12% of their more mature counterparts). However, nearly half of all adults (50% of men and 43% of women) have “talked dirty” over the phone to heat things up.

Hint for men: the number one way to make your lady friend feel sexy is simply to tell her, “I love you.” Nearly half of all women (42%) say this is the surest way to boost their libido. That’s almost twice as many as were turned on when their guys told them, “You are so hot” (25%).

Did you ever wonder if other people were having more sex than you? The answer depends on if you are married or single. Couples who are married or living together have sex 2.4 times a week on average, versus singles, who report they are getting busy a lusty 5.3 times a week. The good news for couples is that 38% say they fantasize about their significant other or spouse as opposed to a colleague (19%) or a friend’s spouse (8%). The bad news is that 38% also fantasize about getting it on with a celeb.

As for the length of lovemaking sessions, interestingly, women estimate it takes, on average, 39 minutes from foreplay to the big “O,” while men estimate 45 minutes. Wishful thinking? Men also want even more time under the sheets than women: 53% of men are satisfied with the length of time they spend having sex compared to 65% of women.

Significantly more men than women would choose to have sex if given an extra hour in a day. Forty-six percent of men say that’s what they would do with their stolen time versus 24% percent of women. In fact, more women (26%) would rather catch up on some ZZZs than make love. Maybe that’s because their partner has been keeping them up late at night with lots of great sex? We hope so.

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“Call me a relic, call me what you will.  Say I’m old fashioned, say I’m over the hill” but I believe a lot of people are loosing the art of personal and one and one communication.  This is where you understand more of what others are saying by what’s in their eyes and via their body language than through passive agressive emails or text messages.   There is no way that you can really get to know someone via email or test messages or even through calls on a cellphone as compared to talking with them facet to face.

I am a geek and have every kind of gadget you can imagine but I also leave them alone during certain times of the day.  I very rarely take my cell phone with me when I am running errands unless I am expecting a call from a client or finishing an important project and I don’t check my email every 10 minutes because I actually have a life outside of technology.

I know that smartphones can help people, mostly woman, better manage their lives but I also know that it can be a distraction and you can feel naked without your cellphone.

I still believe that there is going to be eventually a time when people say “enough is enough”.  Keep technology out of the bedroom and my personal time is just that my personal time where I can and will do things that don’t involve gadgets or wi-fi.    Thank God for peace and quiet….

(1) When you got home from school you put on your jeans and sneakers and went outside to play football, baseball or basketball until the sun went down often requiring our parents to yell for us to come home for dinner.

(2) We listened to AM radio all the time especially when they played a new release by The Beatles.  You then went down to the record store to purchase the LP’s and you had to made sure that you got the stereo version as there were both stereo and mono versions.

(3) Rolling Stone was a great source of inside information about rock & roll.

(4) We would spend hours upon hours in the pool until our skin became water logged.

(5) We had to obtain “working papers” from school for part time jobs.

(6) A lot of us were paperboys or worked part time after school and the money we earned could provide us with a great weekend of movies.

(7) We rode our bikes everywhere and kids who had their own cars were damn lucky.

(8) Sunday’s were for in law visits.

(9) We always watched the Ed Sullivan Show in hopes of seeing a new band.

(10) There were so much new music coming out it was hard to keep up.

(11) Vietnam hit home as we learned that some of the people who graduated were casualties of the war.

(12) You were real lucky to get to first base with a girlfriend and even more afraid to ask girls out.

(13) You had to register for the draft and get a physical and then you hoped that your birthday came up as a high number.

(14) Boone’s Farm and Annie Green Springs wine.

(15) If someone smoked pot you thought they were a drug addict and they would go schitzo.

Relationships are like bank accounts; the more you put in the wealthier you become.  A lot of times you can’t tell why someone is saying something unless you can look at their body language and into their eyes.  Face to face communication is an art and is essential for any real relationship.

When I was working for a drug company on a drug for men I was astounded at how many couples who had been married for a long period of time didn’t really communicate with each other.  The reasons were many but at its heart was the fact that too many people were not really willing to put the time into just talking with each other without distractions.  Yesterday I even had to tell my wife to put down her cellphone and talk to me and I am a geek-technology person !

Here are some things to try to improve your relationship..

1. Get rid of all the distractions in the bedroom and make it a cellphone, iPad free area.

2. If you are getting into a deep discussion on the phone tell your partner that you want to talk about it in person rather than on the phone.

3. Body language says a lot listen with your eyes.

4. After you make love don’t rush to fall asleed or for your eMail.  Hold each other and cuddle and just talk for awhile.

5. If you feel disconnected from your partner that is your heart telling you to recharge your emotional bank account.  Take a weekend or a day off from work and do something together.  Go for a ride, a hike, or get away for a weekend.

6. If you’re not willing to put the time into your relationship or you keep making excuses than you have a serious a problem.

7. When you go on vacation leave the gadgets and laptop at home.

8. You control the destination of your relationship don’t believe that you can’t when it’s more likely “you won’t”

We need personal relationships to grow and become stronger people.  Those who want to be an emotional island are missing a big part of life and in the end they are going to regret the time they lost really getting to know their partner.